Geezus where were my advance warnings systems? Why am I only hearing about his NOW? How much valuable time have I lost?

Damn in triplicate!

There is something about this girl that is just beyond comparison. People often ask me why I’m single and it’s pretty obvious really. How can I settle with just one person when Bar Rafaeli is unmarried?

I’m still in with a chance.

Yes, she must be waiting for me.

Well its with great pride and joy that I announce that her and Leonardo Dicaprio (until now my absolute hero, now my absolute forever ever hero) have announced they are taking some time out. See I knew she would come around. It’s the article I wrote about her here that did it. Or maybe it’s the more humane side I showed here. Either way I can’t be totally sure that she reads my blog, rubbing shoulders with Jackie Collins and Ringo Starr (ok not Ringo but still) but I can certainly tell you that as long as she is professionally showing off her body, I’ll unprofessionally be talking about it.

Case in point.

Leo you screwed up this time buddy

Now the thing I love about my future girlfriend here, is how she seems to have these amazing powers over things around her. It’s a totally new thing, I call it ‘Raising the Bar’. If you hear anyone copying my saying you know what it really means. It’s about me and Bar Rafaeli and our future together, under the Sun, with her wet… you know the drill.

Check how she makes the Sun look so good, yes THE SUN!!

Thought you might enjoy that

Now not one to be content with just still life snapshots, I dug out this video for your pure office enjoment. CAUTION though, not to be watched with other work mates, they may stare aghast at your animal like gape.

Keep it under control.

This video is hardcore to the max. I have to warn you that if you suffer from a weak heart then grab those pills, strap yourself in, make sure youre ALONE in the room and enjoy. Preferably slackjawed.

There’s a half dimple of venus shot at 15 seconds, a total money shot at 34 seconds and pure debauchery at 1.16 seconds.

This shit should be illegal man.

It begs the obvious question, has Leonardo DiCaprio lost the plot? All this because she apparently wanted to move in with him. You silly silly man.