2010 Football World Cup Idiots Ready To Descend On SA

Well you’ve probably seen this all before.

Everyone keeps talking about the fact we are going to get so many tourists and that it’s going to be great for our economy and all that. What they don’t mention is that some of them will be as thick as two short planks.

These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner (apparently). It’s a bit of an old email that has been around for a while so it isn’t relative to the 2010 Soccer World Cup, but be warned, there are some people like these people who will be HERE.

Laugh at them, they deserve it.
Question Time, Enjoy.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town – can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it’s only two thousand kilometres take lots of water…

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes..

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? ( USA )
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not…oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )
A: No, WE don ‘t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )

A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

Don’t you love how the questions are so typical of each country, gotta love it.

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Joe Social

I'm writing this cos I have a lot to say and sometimes I can't sleep unless I write it. Then its gone from my head. I am a blogger, and a property dude. I "entrepreneur" the shit out of things. I run on tequila and good food.

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3 comments
Shane
Shane

That was hilarious! I met a few Norwegians in Thailand a couple years back and when I said I came from South Africa they didn’t believe me. When I asked why they didn’t believe me they said, “Because you aren’t black!” I'm not kidding!

Cup 2010
Cup 2010

Glad you wrote this article. Your average person thinks of this highly civilised flock of people about to descend into our country in 2010....the more balanced view is that a large amount of them are pretty uncivilised!

Joe Social
Joe Social

Absolutely, I find it funny that I havent seen this mentioned anywhere, thought I'd post about it! Thanks for the comment.

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