Dunno if I can handle this, it’s pure teen angst love mixed with Vampire and Werewolf…. what’s next?? Bring on the Zombies!!!! I’d fucken love it if Bella suddenly pulled a ‘Thriller’ move on our asses, haha that would get me interested!

Enjoy… or not.

Tana Umaga is there somewhere I’m sure of it!

Attention,Permit me to solicit for your assistance to invest in your Country.I have been searching for a addvanced/developing country with economic and political stability to invest in. I wish you will be of a great assistance to me considering your position and statues in Business. However, I will keep further detail personal till when I read from you. I wish mydream to invest in your Country will be a successful one..I do expect to read from you as soon as possible Yours.Miss Anna.

Dear Miss Anna,

HELLO to you too!

To be quite honest with you, I would not permit you to “solicit” me, but seeing as you have already made me open this email I might as well read it.

Unfortunately your search for an “advanced/developing country with economic and political stability” seems to have led you to South Africa for some reason. I don’t know if you’ve heard but most countries are now struggling, with the current recession and all that crap. Yes, it’s getting better, but South Africa will need more than just a bit of economic growth to get anywhere near ‘addvanced/developing”.

To call our economy stable would be pushing it just a wee bit! Our political situation is no better off. At the moment our current ruling party is more concerned with the fact that Zacob Zuma has now got “approximately” 20 (twenty) children. It’s sad to say all political parties are at war with each other, be it over the 20 children fiasco or how to run a country. Shit happens!

You’ve struck out twice already. You can only strike out 3 times right? OBVIOUSLY..you would prove me wrong!
Unfortunately South Africa is neither “addvanced” or “developing”. Something to do with politicians and how they cannot run a country!! Just a rumour I heard! Who am I? I just live here!

Yes, please, let us consider my current position and “statues” in business. I currently work as a Broker’s assistant, I have not been paid in 3 months. Basically it is not good. Short and sweet. There you have it. Just in case you didn’t know..that means…I’m being fucked over and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it!

Please do as you promised and keep “this detail” private, as I wouldn’t want the world to know what a prick the person who is supposed to pay me, is.

It’s AWESOME that you wish and dream. I do that too sometimes. Sometimes I dream prince Charming will sweep me off my feet and together we can ride off into the sunset in his white 4×4. Other times, I wish people like you would stop sending me totally, unasked for ,crap emails that basically comes down to be a big scam!

I expect to “read” from you soon too, in fact why don’t we “read” from each other at least once a week so we can become the bestest Interweb mates so we can pretend we’re not scamming each other! AWESOME IDEA!

Yours

Miss BananaHammock

PS. Don’t give up on your search for that “addvanced/developing” country with political and economic stability; hopefully they will give you Microsoft word so you can do a spell /grammar check on your scams before you send them to decent hard working citizens. VIVA SOUTH AFRICA!

Already annoyed that you had to go out at some ungodly hour, you expect to be greeted with a smile. Instead your smile turns upside down when the cashier grunts a hello at you, what can you do besides sigh ?

So to Precious with the not so Precious attitude I would like to say the following;

The fact that you work with the public should indicate that you are a bubbly person with a sparkling personality, but instead all I can really see is a woman who is super pissed off with the world and takes it out on her customers. Also, I saw you picking your nose. This is probably not something you should be doing when you work in a place where food stuffs etc gets handled. If you have a cold or if your nose is itching please go to the bathroom and blow your nose. AND FOR GOD’S SAKE – WASH YOUR HANDS!!

Precious, my sweet, I would suggest a new line of work for you, not just because you have no real ummfff for working with the public but also because you clearly cannot count. When I say 40 Marlboro lights, I don’t mean 40 packets of Marlboro lights.AS in 40 cigarettes!! If I wanted 40 packets I would indicate… So after what seemed forever explaining to you that one packet of cigarettes contain 10 or 20 cigarettes and that 20 + 20 = 40 we finally reached a grand total of R90.00 ..after w e got past the cigarette issue and you managed to ring up the rest of my items!
For whatever reason you hate your job and your life (and you probably hate doing the night shift ) I understand It’s not the best job, but you should embrace it none the less. Make the best of it! You could be cleaning someone else’s toilet for that matter. In fact…you could be a roll of toilet paper. Now that’s a kak job!

I do get to thank you for one thing..While you were taking super long ringing up my items I did manage to get a conversation started with the bloke behind me, you totally helped me get a very nice fireman’s telephone number. Oh no wait..I was just day dreaming away from your attitude…

Dan Levy Presents: Drunks vs Highs!

Here is the music video to his hit ‘Cooler as Ekke’. Shot at Burger Fair no less… the memories!

Called “Youth in Revolt” this is like Superbad with a touch of sophistication rolled up with potty mouth and sex drugs n rock n roll.

Bring it on!

So I was looking around for some RTD footage to see how this year’s event went off and found this awesome clip on Zoopy.

Jealous!

What do you think?

Jedi Religion Founder Morda Hehol (real name Daniel Jones from Wales) was recently refused his religious right to cover his head at his local tesco.

Morda 'He Hole' with Dildo, taking one for the team.

The Guardian newspaper reports:

Tesco has been accused of religious discrimination after the company ordered the founder of a Jedi religion to remove his hood or leave a branch of the supermarket in north Wales.

Daniel Jones, founder of the religion inspired by the Star Wars films, says he was humiliated and victimised for his beliefs following the incident at a Tesco store in Bangor.

The 23-year-old, who founded the International Church of Jediism, which has 500,000 followers worldwide, was told the hood flouted store rules.

But the grocery empire struck back, claiming that the three best known Jedi Knights in the Star Wars movies – Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker – all appeared in public without their hoods. Jones, from Holyhead, who is known by the Jedi name Morda Hehol, said his religion dictated that he should wear the hood in public places and is considering legal action against the chain.

“It states in our Jedi doctrination that I can wear headwear. It just covers the back of my head,” he said.

You can read the rest of the article here.

A couple of things struck me about this. Firstly, surely the oke can wear a cap indoors right? So why can’t he wear his hoodie? Maybe he should get a Billabong logo on the thing and it’ll all be cool?! I reckon they just didn’t take him seriously cos he was carrying his dildo with him.

Secondly, why did it take a 23 year old to start the religion? I mean its OBVIOUS! This guy now commands a church of half a million people! I’m sure this little PR event will swell those numbers.

Now I have no problem with people worshipping whatever the fuck it is they wanna worship so don’t judge me. I’m all for the light side of the road force. I have a good chuckle at some of the reponses on the Gaurdian website comment section.

Enjoy.

and just in case you were wondering who the hell Techno Viking is, then have a look at this. Some scary shit indeed!

The commanding presence of this man (coupled with mind altering drugs) is quite something.

Despite many attempts to find out who he is, he has never come forward.

A friend of mine from Facebook caught this snap of the Turkish vessel which ran aground at Blouberg Beach, keeping our Cape Of Storms nickname fimly intact. If any of you have any other pics please send them over!

Kak Parking Bru!

[Thanks Maryna]

Someone call the Waaaambulance

Found this little pearler over at watkykjy.co.za. I dont know if they made the thing but it’s a nice little piece of satirical SA humour… love the artwork fellas.

Remember them? They brought us such classics as Jizz in my pants and my favourite, On a boat.

I dug out this little number from the archives, still makes me laugh. Enjoy.

What you do think?

Reasons given for him still being alive?

1. Closed casket.
2. MJ said about cloning “I want to do that.”
3. MJ, “This is my final curtain call.” 3 times. This means death in acting industry.
4. The words “This is it!”
5. He wears costumes 2 hide.
6. MJ died 7 years after he signed his will…June 25th.
7. Janet said found “an endless supply of? songs” in MJ vault.
8. Witnesses say he was happy, laughing, excited, energetic.
9. End of memorial the big screen, “I’m alive and I’ll live forever.” Like Mike wrote it.

As one of the comments said on the youtube comments list…

Yeah, I went down? to 7-11 last night with JKF and Elvis and we sat around eating hot dogs and drinking slurpees.

Rocking the Daisies 2008, Jonx Pillemer

ROCKING THE DAISIES DIARY LISTING 2009

Date: 9 – 11 October 2009

Venue: CLOOF WINE ESTATE, Darling

1 hour from Cape Town

Gates open: 10am on Friday

Official website: www.rockingthedaisies.com

ADMISSION:

Ticket sales at the door are only available on Sunday, 11 October for that day only.

Full weekend

Pre-sale online – R430

Pre-sale in store outlets – R410

Saturday & Sunday

Pre-sale online – R350

Pre-sale in store outlets – R330

Sunday

Pre-sale online, in store outlets and at the door – R150

Children: Free for children under 12. No under 18’s (no children aged 12-17 allowed regardless of adult supervision).

Buy your tickets at www.rockingthedaisies.com or in store from 9 September you can purchase your tickets at the following participating outlets:

• All Levis® stores, Western Cape
• Hemporium store (114 Constantia Main Rd, Wynberg)
• Rafiki’s Restaurant (Kloofnek Road, Cape Town)
• More outlets TBC

ABOUT THE FESTIVAL:

Now in its fourth year, Rocking the Daisies is the fastest growing eco-friendly music and lifestyle festival in South Africa.

Taking place from 9 – 11 October on Cloof Wine Estate in Darling (Western Cape), the festival will once again offer the best in live entertainment, lifestyle exhibitions and gourmet food.

With over 10 000 people attending last year, Rocking the Daisies 2009 will be full of cutting edge, quality music, interactive art fields and facilities aimed to cater for everyone from child care to comedic relief.

Being South Africa’s premier eco-friendly music and lifestyle festival, Rocking the Daisies raises the bar every year, incorporating innovative environmentally conscious products into the festival and spreading the message of ‘play hard, tread lightly’.

Rocking the Daisies has made it its mission not only to educate others on greener lifestyles but also how to take it home and incorporate it into their own lives.

Rocking the Daisies 2008, Jonx Pillemer

From transport initiatives, solar and wind powered electricity, bio-diesel generators and LED lighting to complimentary bio-degradable soaps and shampoos, recycling and tree planting initiatives. Rocking the Daisies explores every avenue to make this the most carbon neutral green event possible.

SPONSORS:

· Windhoek Draught

· Levis

· Red Bull

· Hemporium

· Marshall music

· More TBC

FACILITIES AT THE FESTIVAL:

• Large camping village
• Gourmet food village
• Hemporium Conscious Cinema
• Main stage
• Electronic/DJ tent
• Comedy Arena
• Three bars
• Vendor village and interactive art field
• Wine tasting
• Clean showers and toilets
• Tented hotel – visit http://www.kreefhotel.co.za/daisies.html
• Day-care facilities available for children throughout the weekend. This facility includes trained nannies, a jumping castle and various other facilities to make sure your little ones are entertained.

Operating hours: Friday: 15:00 – 20:00, Saturday: 08:00 – 20:00, Sunday 08:00 – 15:00.

• 24 hour medical and security staff
• Shaded areas
• Dam, for swimming
• ATM

Bring it leave it

What to bring and what to leave to make sure you enjoy the festival to the max.

Bring it:

• An open mind and a green attitude
• Your festival ticket
• ID document/driver’s license
• Money
• Rubbish bags
• Tent/shelter
• Sleeping bag and warm clothing
• Gas cooker/cooking utensils
• Sunglasses
• Suntan lotion
• Swimming costume
• Toiletries/towel
• Flash light
• Wellington boots
• Raincoat/umbrella– just in case

Leave it:

• No under 18’s allowed, unless under 12 with adult supervision
• No fires allowed
• No illegal substances
• No firearms or weapons
• No glass
• No picking of flowers
• No litter
• No bad attitudes