Everyone keeps talking about the fact we are going to get so many tourists and that it’s going to be great for our economy and all that. What they don’t mention is that some of them will be as thick as two short planks.

These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner (apparently). It’s a bit of an old email that has been around for a while so it isn’t relative to the 2010 Soccer World Cup, but be warned, there are some people like these people who will be HERE.

Laugh at them, they deserve it.
Question Time, Enjoy.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town – can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it’s only two thousand kilometres take lots of water…

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes..

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? ( USA )
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not…oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )
A: No, WE don ‘t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )
A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

Don’t you love how the questions are so typical of each country, gotta love it.

Akon

I was reading at a site I like to visit [over at SAFootballfans.co.za] that none other than Akon may or may not have been approached (it’s not official yet apparently).

Akon had this to say…

“I’ve been hired as musical director for the World Cup”, he revealed to reporters yesterday.

“I will be overseeing the World Cup anthem and music at the ceremonies and I’m off to South Africa this week for meetings. I love soccer, so it’s a great honour”, said Akon.

I think using an African superstar is a good move. I know he isn’t South African, but this is the first African Soccer Word Cup and should be celebrated by Africans.

Thought this was pretty cool, found it over at Macina

If you’re keen on being in Cape Town for the 2010 Wrold Cup, click here to see accommodation in Cape Town, from our mates over at Travelfinda.com