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My bestest Best Friend - The LooseWheel – has moved back to the land of dust and little water. She left Cape Town for errr greener pastures. I was recently in Pretoria ( the land of dust and little water) and we had a big party just because we could and because our regular sunday morning coffee/cigarettes/wine/laughter ( depending what mood we were in) on the beach front has now been cancelled indefinately. Sad faces all around!

As you know  The LooseWheel was our ambasador for National Unibrow day, and like me, she liked to braai and talk kak. But she is gone and I think this is why the weather has been so KAK in Cape Town Lately.

So this article is for her to remember all the crazy people who love her down here. Mahpicky the Side Kicky and I really miss her and we think it’s time she comes back. Bring back your sunshine, bring back your laughter , bring back your crude and twisted sense of humour and bring back our mountain! (more…)

This just in from 2Oceansvibe, the new SABC, my favourite website.

I wrote quite a bit about Graeme Smith and his ability to score off the field.

Well a a sharp-eyed 2oceansviber sent in a screenshot of a tweet posted by Graeme Smith’s irish fiance, Morgan Deane, which celebrates his prowess in bed.

Smith popped the question to Deane in early April.

As 2oceansvibe puts it:

We’re glad to have it confirmed by someone in the know that Graeme is not only a great opener, but a great finisher, too.

via It’s Official – Graeme Smith Is A Stallion In The Sack | 2oceansvibe.com.

Do you suffer from Friggatriskaidekaphobia?

Or fear of Friday the 13th as it’s more commonly known. I’m starting to think Joe Social and Asstastic do. Maybe it’s because today is Friday the 13th? Or perhaps it’s because TheFrenchConnection’s alias is Jason? And he had his 13th birthday on Friday the 13th.

And he owns a hockey mask and a rusty machete.

Well, all but the last line is true, which had me doing a little research this morning as to where this superstition originated and why. You’ll perhaps be surprised to know that there’s not that much about Friday the 13th that is genuinely scary, although this may be less relevant if you’re a woman according to Simo Näyhä, M.D., Ph.D.

In a study presented to the American Psychiatric Association in 2002, it was concluded that the increase in road traffic deaths on Friday the 13th was incidental in men, however in women an estimated 38% of traffic deaths were directly atrributable to it being Friday the 13th.

Other than that, there’s alot of confusion as to where it orginated and why. According to Wikipedia at least, there doesn’t seem to be any recording of the date as unlucky before the 19th century.

There was one other interesting little piece of information that I dug up though. Infamous murderers Charles Manson, Harold Shipman, Frederick West, Saddam Hussein, Jeffrey Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy, Theodore Bundy, and Jack the Ripper each have 13 letters in their names.

As does TheFrenchConnection in his real name….

Now where did I put that hockey mask.

TheFrenchConnection hates most Fridays

I wrote about this about 3 weeks ago. Last time we checked, Socialyz was voted the 36th best South African blog according to MyScoop.co.za, the South African Blog Aggregator. Well not even a month later and we have cracked the top 30. Good going there I must admit. It has to be the type of stories we cover, stuff such as the aaaaw cute moments (mostly spurred on by our mate Andre the property broker admittedly)

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Socialyz.com is now ranked as the 36th best blog site in south Africa, as voted for by the authority on South African Blogs, and aggregator MyScoop.co.za

This is all down to the fans of this site. We entered this arena a little over two months ago and have fast risen up the ranks of the top 150 blogs in South Africa.

This is some heart warming news to the team here who write you all your favourite articles. A big round of applause needs to go to Asstastic, TheFrenchConnection and Joe Social (that’s moi) for writing shit you guys like and putting our own spin on it.

Well we don’t want to stop there! We want to be the best and to be the best we need your input. If you come across a funny story, something that stinks, something you want the rest of the world to hear about or if you’re just up for seeing what our take is on things then please let us know!

If you are an event planner, someone who wants to market their website or product, or simply just want to say ‘Hi!’, then we have created a special ‘Heads Up’ page just for you! You can send us your news or information or that little tip on something you want us to write about.

Head on over the the Heads Up Page and send us your tips.

My mate Paul sent me a picture taken in Durban at a Traffic light of a Beggar with rudimentary knowledge of world events trying to work it in his favour.

Kudos to this guy (theres that word Kudos again!) for knowing enough about world events to try pull a fast one and pull the pity vote!

Thanks Paul!

Miley Cyrus is outraged at the fact that a sex doll is being sold that looks like her. It’s even named the Miley Doll.

Apparently these things have been flying off the shelf. I have to say it’s pretty creepy to say the least!

That's not creepy at all

Now I’m not a big Miley Cyrus fan at all, but the poor chick! I mean imagine some people just made a sex doll out of you without your permission!?

Myself, Joe social and our faithful sidekick Mahpicki were at our local and just as Joe Social made a bee line for the bathroom Francois from bands4africa brought out his Sinatra act and the crowd at Doodles went completely off their heads, even the bar staff stopped serving drinks so they could sing along. One of my favourites and I hope you like it too.

We love Frank, we love Frank!

Oh before I forget… we owe you one

Smile real purrrrrrdy now

It’s no secret that anything online is the way to go especially in South Africa where our dinosaur public broadcaster is more concerned with the revolving door it’s board has become than actually making sure that the listeners or viewers get anything decent to listen to or watch.

That’s why it’s so refreshing that online radio stations are popping up all over the place.

You guys might know my mate Adrian Larger. Remember this name, DJ Adrian Larger.

Well I’m very proud to announce that Larger is soon to be involved in the launch of a Cape Town Online Radio Station. I can’t say too much right now other than watch this space… or is that listen to this space?

I can give you a brief rundown though. These guys are going to be covering the hits of each decade from the 50s through to the 80s. So there is going to be something that every single one of us identifies with, no matter how old. Larger himself is going to be doing the 3pm to 6 pm slot, and in his own words, that’s not too early to have a couple of beverages to.

Now I know the man pretty well, and there was an incident involving the law when we were young (innocent stuff mind you), so when Larger says it’s gonna rock I believe him.

That and the guy is fucken huge. Soon to be bigger.

Watch this space.

You are wondering who this person is that I keep referring to in my articles here and here. Allow moi to explain…

The love of my life and I have a pet name for each other. You all know Winnie the Pooh right? So in the story, piglet calls Winnie the Poo, Pookie. We took that name and we spell it Pooki.And we call each other Pooki. Ok continue reading once you have finished laughing..and no you cannot take our name….

Now you would call your girlfriend/boyfriend my angel or my buttercup etc etc but because I talk way too fast sometimes I once wanted to say ” my Pooki” but it came out Mahpuki,and thus Mahpuki was born ( pronounced ma-poo(H)-ki).

Joe Social and I have this friend and she is our side-kick. So I started calling her Mahpicki the side-Kicky, because she is the Mahpuki’s Side kick.  So there you have it, Pooki’s and Mahpuki’s and Mahpicki the side-kicky explained.

Mahpicki the side-kicky will be added to our “who are thes guys section” soon because she is definately worthy of that page.She has become my partner in crime of late , we’re especially into the whole star gazing/renaming thing. We recently decided to call Alpha Centauri , Ariola Centuari..but we only say this when we speak whale. See Finding Nemo on how to speak Whale. How Ariola Centauri came about is a funny story but I’ll tell you about that later…

Alpha Centauri

It’s no secret I always read 2oceansvibe and I love the funny shit those guys come up with.

Ages ago I read about the different new and cool ways to shake hands and I was very impressed with the Drop Knee Handshake as done by Seth Rotherham and The Dude.

So I had this mulling around in the back of my head for a while, but last week I finally got the courage to do it in public. I was out on a gorgeous Monday evening at my favourite beachside bar, Doodles beachfront in Table View. I got the obligatory 4 tequilas down my throat and recruited my mate The Labour Broker to be my guinea pig.

I nervously sort of explained the whole concept to him and then went for it. Luckily Asstastic was on hand with her faithful Blackberry and the moment was captured on video.

So without further ado, I present to you, Joe Social and The Labour Broker doing the Drop Knee (big thanks to Seth and co), done in public, maybe for the first time?

Wouldn’t it be awesome if the guys at 2oceansvibe could let me know if this is a world first?

You can see the original Drop Knee Handshake as done by Seth Rotherham and The Dude here.

Apparently Julius Malema is responsible for what has been described as a mortifying election album released by the ANC. We aren’t being told exactly what Julius role is in this latest debacle, but Justice Minister Jeff Radebe, Sports Minister Fikile Mbalula and party spokes­person Jackson Mthembu are listed as ­executive producers.

I like to move it move it...

Aah the usual suspects. Maybe they should form a band and call it ‘Party Of Fools’.

What a waste of public funds yet again! Not to be outdone or left out, J Zuma is on the cover!

Three weeks before the bloody uprising began in Libya, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi asked Zulu monarch King Goodwill Zwelithini to sign documents in support of his campaign to be the king of Africa.

Seems he should have asked his poeple what they thought about that!

Details of the trip, which have been closely guarded by the royal household, emerged in an interview with KwaZulu-Natal premier Zweli Mkhize this week.

Responding to questions by the Sunday Times, Mkhize said:

“Although the meetings between His Majesty and Gaddafi were private and confidential, we wish to point out that Gaddafi had informed His Majesty of his desire to become ‘the King of Kings in Africa’.”

Mkhize said Gaddafi wanted King Goodwill, whom he had known since 2002, to endorse his bid.

There is no place in modern society for these egotistical maniacs. Imagine he was our king? What gives this man the right to just decide he wants to be king of kings?

Read more here.

With all the furore going on right now about Charlie Sheen and his escapades, the star has recently umm starred in a Interview which could or could not be the greatest interview ever (involving Charlie Sheen)

Charlie looks a little worse for wear considering his latest antics, but he still kills it in this interview! He is on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen! But don’t try it or your face might melt off! hilarious!

If you live in Cape Town you would believe me if I tell you it’s been so flippen hot here that it’s almost impossible to do anything during the day.

Yes folks, we sit at work in out hot pants and we melt in front of our laptop’s… not cool!

I fancy myself a bit of a photographer and if you know me you’ll also know that the pictures I take are breathtakingly beautiful.

I moved down to Cape Town a couple of months ago and I haven’t regretted it since.I miss the incredible thunder and lightning storms we had up there but that’s about it!

So, my Jelly bear and I went to our local spot for some drinks and to watch that great ball of fire disappear into the sea…

Sunset Over The Atlantic

Now why would I want to move back to Pretoria?

Joe Social and the TwinMassProducer were arsing about in the kitchen, Joe Social was trying to demonstrate how you can get someone back if you owe them one. Definitely try this at home or at your place of work!

Next time you’re out with friends, family, at your place of work or at the pub where people  can’t get the message on leaving you the fuck alone… try this. It works everytime, notice how the TwinMassProducer tells Joe Social to “fok off now”.

God bless my blackberry for capturing moments such as these…

Now we owe you one!

…Rubbing your finger in a very strange manner!

So, last night my man and I went down to our local. We are regulars at Doodles and everytime we go,  my Jelly bear comes up with some random way to make me laugh… This one took the cake.

I can’t remember ever getting an itchy finger, (no gutter brain don’t go there ) so i’m not sure if this is normal. You tell me!??

Here we can see Joe Social scratching his finger… wait for it… on his chin??? and then what would look like him rubbing his cheek, is actually him scratching his finger on the side of his face ( I almost made a crude joke about fingering and faces..work it out) …

God bless men who have stubble to get rid if those nasty finger itches and God bless my Blackberry for capturing moments such as these!

In what can only be descibed as preaching to the utterly brainwashed, President Zuma has again brought the religion card to the election table. Last time he said the ANC would rule until Jesus returned, this time its a lot more farcical. Anyone who is swayed by such drivel, or who would vote for a man who thinks his followers would be swayed by such drivel,  has some seriously head reading needed!

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I cant’ decide whether I like Kim Kardashian, or whether I think she is a total idiot. In general I lean towards the idiot description. I can say, however, that I probably wouldn’t kick her out of my bed on a cold Cape Town winters morning.

Orange you forgetting your passport?

Unfortunately for South Africa she has decided to disgrace us with her presence and wasn’t shy to show her annoying habits to the entire world via twitter whilst trying to access our once unsullied shores.

Here are some of her tweets on twitter whilst going through the DRAMA (not to be confused with drama street here) of misplacing her passport while entering South African from Botswana.

“I lost my passport! I’m stuck in costumes [sic]! OMG! OK, breathe we are going back to the plane to check!”

“My passport is NOT on the plane! I’m literally going to cry!”

“OK Twitterville I need your positive energy! Reggie is on his way to the plane to look again! Pray he finds my passport! Come on Bush!”

Thankfully, her boyfriend, Reggie Bush, found it, and spared any us further tweets.

Not to be outdone, her annoying sister Khloe (that girl’s  just wrong on so many levels) had to tweet her own version of events and possible outcomes.

She Tweeted: “Regina saved the day!… Go Reggie. I guess he will be getting boned tonight!”

Nice to see Kim does the boning round those parts.

Well now I think I’ve heard it all!

The entire planet can breathe a sigh of collective relief now that we know that none other than Jacob Zuma, the South African president is keeping chips until Jesus’ second coming.

Well thank God for that hey! Capable and hands springs to mind.

I understand that a lot of electioneering is done to a generally uneducated mass of people, but this is just too much.

The Times reports on a dear Presidents latest election (for the next election no doubt) promise:

Zuma, who was addressing thousands of supporters in Witbank, Mpumalanga, yesterday, said: ‘‘The ANC will rule until the Son of Man comes. He must come back while we are still in power.” The ANC president was roundly criticised by religious leaders shortly before the elections when he invoked the name of Jesus to illustrate the ruling party’s hold on power.

More here.

Now seeing as he is in charge of the ANC, that must make him a JC proxy right? With these utterings, he is either telling us that Jesus MUST come back before the next election, or that the last election we had was the last one we will have. That’ll sit quite nicely with the Mayan Calander hicks proposing an end to the world (or a second coming) by 2012.

Hang on maybe JZ was watching the same documentary I watched this last week on this topic?

Very very smart there, love the way he is covering his bases, just in case, for example, the world ends in 2012.

I was particularly interested in their claim that in 2012, there will be some sort of a galactic alignment, the first for 26 000 years, now that’s all cool and shit, but using that supposition, then EVERY moment last happened 26 000 years ago (working on that timeline)

Just like THIS moment.

…and THIS one.

But getting back to the man of the moment, JZ. I mean how can anyone makes such absurb promises and be taken seriously? Worse still is he taking himself seriously?