Socialyz.com

As Asstastic, my role on socialyz ,besides talking a load of kak, is also to bring you the weird and wonderful and the down right nasty. I am known for my crude sense of humour and my sharp wit and my keen eye for the absurd. I take pride in all my articles and this one is no exception. (more…)

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It’s Asstastic again and I’m here to inform you that the  TwinMassProducer has his birthday on Thursday and we will be celebrating in style on Saturday Ekse! The TwinMassProducer has a knack for making us laugh here in the office and he certainly does have a way with words. He makes pirates look like saints!

So, to sum up the celebration on Satuday I would like to dedicate this song to him as this is probably going to be the state he will leave the party venue in! Happy Birthday mate! Another year matured, like a good red wine. And he loves wine,especially the red kind.

NSFW! Earphones if you please!

( If you see him after his party and he is drunk, remember, he also likes sausage in and around his mouth)

If you’re a regular with us here on Socialyz, you’ll know that our mate, Andre the property broker, always sends us really cute videos. Well, he has done it again, he sent me this video. We all know it but like Andre said in his email to me, it makes him feel warm and fuzzy everytime he watches this.

Thats right, and it’s in aid of promoting the latest Loeries, nice one Riaan.

Seriously!

It’s world cup time and seeing as everything is all about New Zealand etc. I thought this was a gem. There was a time when the Haka was just a bunch of white okes who can’t dance looking like a bunch of dicks.

Check it out.

In preparation for South Africa’s National Braai day, held 24 September every year, comedy duo ‘Derick Watts and the Sunday Blues’ recorded and shot a music video to parody the viral sensation that was Rebecca Black’s “Friday”

It’s no secret ’round these parts that everyone loves a good braai, and none more than me! well you’ve all heard about National Braai day right? Seeing as you have all heard about it and you know that it’s coming up on the 24th of September which is National Heritage Day in South Africa, and we all know that all South Africans love a good Braai!

The National Braai Day anthem has just been released and is performed by Die Heuwels Fantasties, JR, HHP and the Soweto Gospel Choir.

and here are the words…

Words to the National Braai Day Anthem:
Verse 1
The spring has arrived in Southern Africa
Not a cloud in the sky
Only flames in our eyes
As if everybody seems to know what time it is
Time for a braai
It’s time to have some fun

Chorus
I hear those voices until late at night
All together and we feel all right, all right
I see their faces in the golden light
All together and we feel all right, all right
Feeling Alright, hope you feeling alright people…

Verse 2
We stand united at the bonfire
We raise our glasses to the clear, blue sky
Tell me your story and I’ll tell you mine
Things will be better and I’m feeling fine

Chorus
I hear those voices until late at night
All together and we feel all right, all right
I see their faces in the golden light
All together and we feel all right, all right
I’m alright, are you?

Bridge
Try picturing a whole lotta people out at my place.
Everybody chilling. Re dibusa(getting down) by the fire place.
I’ll be in the back. Marinating on the braai vleis
Beer’s in the KEG, Pierre is bringing out the wine case
Its a known phrase,O jo re rata go braaya (we love to braai)
If you got no space chessa nyama o kaya (you can go to a public braaing spot)
If you’re not disgraced, say it loud “BRAAI DAY IS MY DAY”
Even ka labone(even on a thursday) I treat it like its a friday…
So it’s a fly (so it’s a fly day)
We call it a braai day e ne we do it our way
Cause it’s so mzanzi
Happy times are so naturalle in our county
Re rata sunshine
Pull out your smiles come on lets have a fun time
I’ll call Jabba and SGC cause in SA Die Heuwels is so Fantasties!

Chorus
I hear those voices until late at night
All together and we feel all right, all right
I see their faces in the golden light
All together and we feel all right, all right
I hear those voices x4
All together and we feel all right, all right x4
Braai please!!

Words by Pieter van der Lugt; music by Johnny de Ridder; performed by Die Heuwels Fantasties, JR, HHP and The Soweto Gospel Choir; video by Duvan Durand.

So we all know about Ard Matthews and his two word fuck up. Well Nando’s knows about it too…

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My bestest Best Friend - The LooseWheel – has moved back to the land of dust and little water. She left Cape Town for errr greener pastures. I was recently in Pretoria ( the land of dust and little water) and we had a big party just because we could and because our regular sunday morning coffee/cigarettes/wine/laughter ( depending what mood we were in) on the beach front has now been cancelled indefinately. Sad faces all around!

As you know  The LooseWheel was our ambasador for National Unibrow day, and like me, she liked to braai and talk kak. But she is gone and I think this is why the weather has been so KAK in Cape Town Lately.

So this article is for her to remember all the crazy people who love her down here. Mahpicky the Side Kicky and I really miss her and we think it’s time she comes back. Bring back your sunshine, bring back your laughter , bring back your crude and twisted sense of humour and bring back our mountain! (more…)

I’m a big fan of Eddie Izzard. That man is a legend and he makes me laugh ’till my sides get sore. All over socialyz you will find articles and video clips that have something to do with Eddie Izzard. That oke is fucken main!!

So I know this is old but it’s still funny…

NSFW so please put your ear phones on for fuck sake!

It’s Monday ( dreaded Monday) and it’s all fun and games in the office this morning. My assistant and I really don’t feel like working today so I decided to find something funny we could all laugh at.

Jeff Dunham has a new show, Controlled Chaos,  and here is a sneak preview…

This video ended up in my inbox and I just have to share this with you and even the nerd leaning over your shoulder. It’s almost as good as my article on Lord Von Vader Ham and The Death Star Canteen.

I have 2 new favourite words – Dick pillows.

NSFW!

It’s Friday at the office and I haven’t written anything in a while.  But I’m still Asstastic and I think it’s time to get back on the horse as they say. To my public, I apologise but writing articles for www.commercial-property.co.za has been keeping me super busy.

So back to Carmen who is a real Bitch. We once knew a guy, not the brightest crayon in the box, who started dating this chick called Carmen. They were togther for a short while when he walked up to Joe Social and uttered these words:

” I don’t mean to sound stupid or anything but why does everyone keep calling Carmen a bitch?”

Of Course we couldn’t understand what he was on about untill he said:

“People always say Carmen is a Bitch”

Do you see where I am going with this? So please, Do not mistake KARMA for CARMEN.

Much excitement is building up as we get closer to Elizabeth Galloway Academy of Fashion Design annual Graduate Fashion Event 2011. This year the prestigious event is taking place in Stellenbosch at the Protea Hotel, Techno Park.

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This one is straight out of the cute files. Sent to me by none other than my mate Andre the Property Broker, this video has us all going ‘aaaah cute’ in the office. Nice for a Friday morning… This is Nala the baby Capuchin monkey who has never seen an iPhone before…

It’s time for all you old boys and girls to show your support for your teams in the Annual MOB (Milnerton Old Boys) Old Boys Rugby Festival which is going down at Milnerton High School.

So what’s this about? It’s a tournament that pits the best Old Boys from various schools against each other for bragging rights to show which school boasts the best old boys team. (more…)

I’m a big Foo Fighters fan. Dave Grohl in particular just gives that vibe that it’s all about the rock.

Driving guitars, heart-pounding drums and growling lyrics tempered with some amazing melodies and a massive dose of stage presence make them one of the bands that appear on my “must see live” list before I (or any of them) are too old or too dead to do so.

Another thing I enjoy about them is their ability to take the complete mickey out of themselves in some of their music videos. Take “Low” where Jack Black and Dave Grohl get up to some night time shenanigans in a motel. Or “Learning to Fly” which features both of Tenacious D’s members accidentally spiking the coffee on board an airplane being flown by the Foo’s.

And their latest video for the track “Walk” off the Wasting Light album (an excellent listen). This one is a take on the great Michael Douglas movie, “Falling Down” and is definitely worth a watch.

Enjoy.

Which makes him quite famous or infamous in the UK depending on how you look at things.

Why? Well, Shem has just achieved the notable “accolade” of being named Britains youngest grandfather – aged just 29!

Yup, Shem’s family are taking the UK’s teen-pregnancy vibe to a whole new level. To give you the abridged version of events, Shem Davies became a father to young Tia at aged 14. Not to be outdone of course, Tia has herself given birth to a little girl, Ava one week shy of her 15th birthday, making Shem the UK’s youngest grandad! (more…)