Yolanda Nieman

Most fans will do what they normally do: Drool all over their keyboards and have fantasies that out do all fantasies.

So why don’t you click here , and have a look at the rest of the err hotties.

Then I saw what she wore. Some of you may feel that this is ignorant on my part and that I maybe need to “get with the times”, but seriously. She looks to me like she couldn’t decide what to wear, so simply chucked on some black bags and sticky taped her dogs collar to her lady-parts.

And of course there was the almost obligatory wardrobe malfunction as she stood posing like someone checking to see if they have bad armpit odour for the fawning photographers. Ah well, I thought. It’s just me. I suppose this is what fashion is all about?

Until I saw the pictures of her accepting her award and at the after party. Then I realised it’s not fashion at all. It’s just another classic case of “one day people will realise I don’t sing all that well and so I better find other ways to put myself out there before the Fame monster vomits me out again syndrome”.

Here Endeth the Rant.

Lea T & Kate Moss

Leandro Cerezo must be the envy of many men and women in the fashion world.

That’s right boys, Lea T =  Leandro Cerezo . I would never have known, would you?

Franca Sozzani has thrown the fashion world a errr curve ball by putting fuller figure models Tara Lynn, Candice Huffine and Robyn Lawley on the cover of their latest issue in support of their campaign against pro-anorexia websites.

“Why should these models slim down?” she told DailyMail. “Many of the women who have a few extra kilos are especially beautiful and also more feminine.” Sozzani promises more of these full figure beauties on the cover of magazines.

If you’re a guy you are most probably staring at the crotch shot and missed the whole point of this article.

Sometimes however they do things for which they only have themselves to blame.

Like take naked pictures of yourself on your Iphone. Now we all know that those pictures are somehow going to find their way on to the world wide watchdog.

Which is why Blake Lively, best known for her role in Gossip Girls, is a very silly lady, person. Her publicist is of course claiming that pics are fake. Maybe they are, but given the desparate attempts of some “celebs” to keep themselves in the public eye these days, it’s becoming more and more difficult to believe they’re all faked.

Oh- you want to SEE the pictures? Well you can click below and decide for yourself whether this Blake is a fake.

NSFW obviously.

The cover shot is pretty normal for Playboy at first look – beautiful woman, seductive pose etc but after a little more inspection, it appears as though the editors may have made the decision that Ms. Arnold – a Supersport presenter – was perhaps a little too dark for their liking.

This in a country that has problems getting through a day without race issues. You can be the judge though.

Before excellent lighting

After excellent lighting

In response to questions about the unusual change, Ms Arnold tweeted, ït’s called good lighting…”. Ok then.

His Royal Heffness handpicked the Soweto-born beauty not only as the May editions cover girl, but also as South Africa’s first ever Playmate, proving at the tender age of 85, he still knows what he’s doing.

Seakgoe – who sang for Nelson Mandela on his 80^th birthday and appeared on KTV when she was younger – admits it’s all been a little overwhelming and that telling her parents about it was tough, but from the look of things, she’s taking it all in her considerable stride and along with Tracy McGregor in Aprils edition, proves that South Africa undoubtedly has some of the most beautiful women around.

But don’t take our word for it, take the Heff’s!

Well she is just getting more famous as the days go on. Following on from her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue fame, she is the next focus of Esquire Magazines now famous ‘In My Place’ feature.

It’s a simple concept. Esquire is let into the home of the featured lady and she shows them around etc etc.

Anyway lets not beat around the bush here, we present Genevieve Morten, via Esquire, ‘In My Place’…

Apparently these things have been flying off the shelf. I have to say it’s pretty creepy to say the least!

That's not creepy at all

Now I’m not a big Miley Cyrus fan at all, but the poor chick! I mean imagine some people just made a sex doll out of you without your permission!?

Now I’ve listened to the remix of  ‘Till the world ends , and to be quite honest with you I feel like dancing… right here right now on my desk at the office! Fuck yeah! Gimme moooorreeee!! More more more!!!

Cannot wait to meet up with Mahpicki the Side Kicky so we can shake what our Mama’s gave us! whooohooo!!

Here’s the orginal, hope you at least start nodding your head and tapping your right foot…

See what I mean? Now it’s stuck in your head too.

I can almost see the excitement in your..err…eyes.The saucy pictures, the gadgets, the awesome interviews and motoring , so be sure to check out their website for more information and to subscribe to their monthly magazine.

April 2011 is when Playboy hits South Africa  and if you are lucky enough to know a lovely lady , they can enter to become the next play mates here because Playboy casting is calling!

You can read more on Playboy South Africa and how to become a play mate here

The singer was taken into custody in West Hollywood, Los Angeles, at 2.45am along with her boyfriend Matthew Rutler, who was arrested for driving under the influence (DUI).

The 30-year-old pop star was taken to the West Hollywood Sheriff’s substation and handed the charge.

Read more here.

Any magazine that has a picture of half naked chicks in it is something I avoid but every now and again I can’t help but look. I mean, who wouldn’t want a body like that? Who wouldn’t want to take that chick to bed? Who would not picture THAT chick when their girlfriend is playing cowboy on top of them?

What we really like is the air brush effect on that picture, the perfectly applied make up and the wonder bra’s, the fact that they are built like toothpicks and the fact that they are a perfect 10.

Want to see some pictures?

My boobs aren’t bad considering, I do have a nice ass,I am not built like a toothpick but I am a 10,  I certainly do not have perfect flawless legs but they do come up to here! My face isn’t that bad, I barely wear any make up so I would say the award of the day goes to me, simply because I smile a lot more than these folks!

Ok so I might have a favourite, she is not in the mansion anymore but Holly Madison was one of the coolest ( after Carmen Electra of course ).

Holly Madison

I was just going about my business untill I realised that it has become front page news that everyone attending the Global Internet Conference in California has gotten the case of fever, chills, coughs and god only knows what else, do you know why?
Why, it’s because they were guests at the playboy mansion of course!

I think I’ll pass on that drink with Holly Madison

Paris Hilton was escorted from the Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium for allegedly smoking marijuana on Friday evening, Dispatch Online reports.

Hilton was in Port Elizabeth attending the Brazil vs Netherlands quarterfinal match at Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium, when she was escorted by police to the Mount Road Police Station in St Croix just before 8pm.

Provincial Head of Detectives in Port Elizabeth, Mark Magadlela, confirmed that Hilton was at the police station and had been released.

” There is an inquiry? I don’t want to comment further” he said.

Check the story here

Victorias Secret have added two fine new fillys to their ‘stable’ (at the risk of sounding derogatory, when in fact it’s just banter)

Lindsay Ellingson and Emanuela De Paula will now stand alongside regulars Alessandra Ambrosio and Marisa Miller. That’s just made my day! Damn! Talk about covering all your bases. They now cater for all the tastes of the discerning gentleman.

The Awesome Foursome Victoris Secret Girls Looking Smoking!

Now those of you who know me will know immedaitely that my attention is firmly on Alessandra Ambrosio, second from the left. I thought Id give you a little looksee.

My next holiday snap, me behind the camera of course

Arresting!!

This lady can arrest me anytime! If a criminal record is all it takes to get close then by god I’m guilty as charged.

Well a few nights ago I went with some friends to watch The Proposal. At first I was less than enamoured with the idea of seeing Sandra Bullock (having not seen her on screen for a while) in a Romantic Comedy.

You see I thought she was past it. How wrong could I been?

So Seeing as all my movie watching mates were girls I though what the hell not.

Here’s a trailer in case you havent seen the movie.

Now it might have something to do with women turning 44. But Sandra decided to go naked in this movie (her first nudie). She didn’t quite pull off the show us yer tits love performance that  Marisa did, but then again her character wasn’t as rough as Tomei’s in the Wrestler.

Maybe its something hollywood actresses need to do to get out of their system. Something that’s for sure, is that at this age they have certainly had plenty time to tone and do whatever is is to look so damn fine. Either way I’m not complaining.

Beforehand this was my favourite pic of the gal.

An almost naked hot Sandra Bullock

Now that’s what I’m talking about. Imagine my absolute delight then to see our dear Sandra as God intended, practically naked. Now I warn you this is a spoiler, probably not safe for work, rather funny, and therefore all too watchable. It’s the shower scene from The Proposal.

God that Ryan Reynolds is an inspiration to all men to get into gym. He of the 8 pack. Not to mention he is tapping ‘you know who’. I almost wrote about her here.

Here is the money scene.

She is 44, damn the woman is looking fine. Seems to be a trend in Hollywood. 44 is the new 24.

Might have to trade my future ‘favourite’ tag from Bar Rafaeli here.

…and she looks like my chick. Well the one in my head at least.

There’s not really anything more I can tell you about this clip, other than the money shot is at 1.08. Back dimples ahoy!!

I have no idea what this video is supposed to be about but damn she does it well!

Happy weekend!

Look, it’s fairly obvious who is the hottest woman on the planet right now. Not only can she braai chicken, drink beer and wake up looking like a million bucks, but Megan Fox (well chosen surname there I might add) is also now single.

Sorry for you Brian Austin Green.

I'm sorry Brian, I'm just not feeling it anymore, it's not you it's me...

I have real sleepless nights regarding which is my favourite, this young lady or Bar Rafaeli [more here], but I think Meg just shades it. It has nothing to do with her mutterings on her desire to date Angelina Jolie as you can read here. I’ll admit I’m slightly uncomfortable with her being a rival of mine now for the affections of all the super hottie hollywood ladies on there sleeping arounds of hollywood.

How can I compete with THIS? These pictures were taken when she was spotted in Paris on the  promotional tour for the new Tranformers movie, called Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Can it get any better than this??? I doubt it.

Besides her obvious desire to get it on with Jolie, Megan has famously said such profound things as:

‘I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl — Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She’s mesmerising.

Olivia wawaweewa Wilde! Mountain oxes the world over are nervous as fuck.

Specifically a mountian ox.  Am I the only one to pick up on the ‘Wilde Mountain Ox’ connection? Thats a headline right there. I’ll give Megan some kudos here[more on kudos here], she has a pretty descriptive way of saying things. I must say I can see why.

Mountain oxes better watch the fuck out. There are now at least TWO people willing to strangle mountain oxes to get closer to Olivia.

Olivias response?

I came into my trailer at House the morning after that article came out and one of our writers had done an illustration on my mirror of a mountain ox saying, ‘Save me, save me. Please, Olivia, make out with Megan!’ ” Though Wilde is a little skeptical of the recent girl-crush fad, she’s always willing to pitch in for a cause: “Of course, anything I can do to save the mountain ox, I’m happy to do.”

Geezus where were my advance warnings systems? Why am I only hearing about his NOW? How much valuable time have I lost?

Damn in triplicate!

There is something about this girl that is just beyond comparison. People often ask me why I’m single and it’s pretty obvious really. How can I settle with just one person when Bar Rafaeli is unmarried?

I’m still in with a chance.

Yes, she must be waiting for me.

Well its with great pride and joy that I announce that her and Leonardo Dicaprio (until now my absolute hero, now my absolute forever ever hero) have announced they are taking some time out. See I knew she would come around. It’s the article I wrote about her here that did it. Or maybe it’s the more humane side I showed here. Either way I can’t be totally sure that she reads my blog, rubbing shoulders with Jackie Collins and Ringo Starr (ok not Ringo but still) but I can certainly tell you that as long as she is professionally showing off her body, I’ll unprofessionally be talking about it.

Case in point.

Leo you screwed up this time buddy

Now the thing I love about my future girlfriend here, is how she seems to have these amazing powers over things around her. It’s a totally new thing, I call it ‘Raising the Bar’. If you hear anyone copying my saying you know what it really means. It’s about me and Bar Rafaeli and our future together, under the Sun, with her wet… you know the drill.

Check how she makes the Sun look so good, yes THE SUN!!

Thought you might enjoy that

Now not one to be content with just still life snapshots, I dug out this video for your pure office enjoment. CAUTION though, not to be watched with other work mates, they may stare aghast at your animal like gape.

Keep it under control.

This video is hardcore to the max. I have to warn you that if you suffer from a weak heart then grab those pills, strap yourself in, make sure youre ALONE in the room and enjoy. Preferably slackjawed.

There’s a half dimple of venus shot at 15 seconds, a total money shot at 34 seconds and pure debauchery at 1.16 seconds.

This shit should be illegal man.

It begs the obvious question, has Leonardo DiCaprio lost the plot? All this because she apparently wanted to move in with him. You silly silly man.